Month: November 2023

Do You Remember…

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…my love for you?

Two outstretched hands with forefingers almost touching
Thank you Shoeib Abolhassani on Unsplash for the image

Do you remember how many times
I told you I loved you and held your face
So close to mine, my hand on your head
Our bodies aligned, all fear erased

Do you remember now you’re in pain
Determined to fight with a past you can’t change
But can only forgive and render untrue
As a twisted perspective still living in you

Do you remember the infinite love
The passion we shared for reaching to light
The gratitude, wholeness, and beauty divine
The determination to rise above

Do you remember your humbler times
When arrogance cast to the floor, you could find
The gratitude, brimming with love, you were true
I watched seventh heaven arising in you

Do you remember? Can you say
To me in the clarity of today
This instant, ringing clear and true
That you’ve forgotten my love for you?

Do you remember how many times
We stood together, your heart in mine
The greater majesty rang true
In every holy breath we drew

Do you remember being in light?
Tempestuous pasts redeemed in our sight
As everything that was past and gone
Was the sacred path we’d journeyed on

Do you believe I can’t see through
The jealous haven you’ve quarried to
The depths of hatred you won’t rebuke
Amidst the storms of desolate truth

Can you believe what I can see?
Devotion, loving, true, truly
Chasms that open, painful, wide;
Your own to choose to dive inside

But you can’t shake the truth I see 
Only pure, loving memories
A life entirely given to
The ones you understood could save you

Do you understand what it’s like to find
An angel of light right here in my mind
Who’s desperate to serve what’s holy and true
If only you felt my gratitude!

Do you remember how many times
I told you I loved you and held your face
So close to mine and we disappeared
Into the divine, His eternal grace

I Wanted to Share it With You

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You who are always there

Rays of light hitting a dark path through the forest, with the end in sight
Thank you Christiaan Huynen on Unsplash for the image

I wanted to share it with you
The gift that penetrates my violent miscreating
Savouring its own gentleness, permeating so softly that I can bear its entering

I wanted to share it with you
Your mind, open and receiving, yold to depths of gratitude 
Whose consistency yet eludes my ever-presiding choice

I wanted to share it with you
Certain of your implacably honest, infinitely receptive heart 
I wanted to share it with you
The moment I began to wonder if there was another way of thinking

It’s been like cigarettes; a smoker allowing themselves to gorge on filthy air
Relying on eventual disgust and derision
Perceived pleasure turning to, finally unmistakable, pain
The remotest moment from my sanity
Gorging insatiable desire for vanity, victimhood and blame
Believed inability to change that which I cannot bear
Determination not to surrender my desperate need to one who is able
To help me

I wanted to share it with you
The loneliness of wandering deep in the darkness of my indignation
Though always, always, beneath the frosted ground on which I trod
In the sullen air I breathed
And deep in the mind that raged with clamorous certainty
There, unmistakably present throughout everything,
Was your love
And I could never have travelled the lonely breadths of hopelessness
Without you

Finally, I trust, the ring of responsibility will be drawn
The peace evocative of gentle laughter will return
And I will be my own friend again
Lover of all that is beautiful, simple, and as far beyond my raging
As the universe of light is beyond the weight of my quilted profiting
Though encompassing and dissolving it lightly within its own gown of gentle gratitude

I wanted to share it with you
The gleam of projected hope
The memory of miracles past
And the clarity that remains
Though sunk like a small stone within the depths of my murky assertion

I have been plagued by troubled notions
Drowning in perceived helplessness
Unwittingly recreating irks of my own past troves
Digging through subterrene tunnels and wandering on hills of blackened heather 
In wretched pursuit of my comfort and my love

I have found her, barren and weeping,
And though I do not yet know what will emerge from her finding
I can see that everything within and around me is still, gently, powerfully
With utmost, unshakeable certainty
Guiding us both home

I wanted to share it with you
The gift of my eventual becoming
I need to rest for a little while longer
But first, first I wanted to share it with you

The Side Door

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Finding the cracks

An old blue door slightly open, darkness inside
Thank you to Aziz Acharki on Unsplash for the image

If you cannot stand, facing, knocking at the front door
If the demon is unconquerable through straight, unswerving means
If control becomes unwrestable from the devil within
And your mind is impervious to tactics you intended to employ
Though their theory stands implacable within your belief and understanding

If your heart is wrestling, candid, amongst the many wolves of hatred, fear and peaceless writhing
If the context of your practice renders it incapable of penetration
To the murky depths in which you choose to sit and wade
If the inconsolable nature prevails 
And the unrelenting assertion never ceases to withstand
You can find a side door

Try creeping silently around, knocking gently 
At one that no one has ever found
A window open just an inch, dark, unoccupied within
All attention focused on the voracious vocation of hating

Try slipping softly through any open breach, however small
If you are patient and merely watch the unfolding
There will be an opening, a brick missing in a side wall
A forgotten latch, a barrier stood brazen but choked on cobbled floor
Pushed closed to no avail
A gate that, neglected, has become derelict through the unrelenting poison play of time

There will be a gap, there will be an opening
And in the tender twilight of eventual longing
For harmony, for gentle remembering,
For symphonies of joy cascading between expanding, softening walls
You will allow yourself, secretly, to enter

You will feel the entering, and you will not resist
Though you persist, focus and fire, fighting foremost in your mind
Still determined on your deathful, rageful charge
You allow this calm, small voice to penetrate your mind
So quietly it enters you did not observe it’s coming
Though you felt it’s presence, and secretly welcomed its relief (though we will never tell…)

You can keep your consistency of determination for death’s dying goal
You can focus your attention on hatred, attack
Anguished thoughts that tear at your heartstrings 
And cast you into wasted thorny deserts of your previous contention
That infinitely interesting, unfathomably meaningless occupation

But still, this gentle voice has entered, and now offers you its council and its plan
So gently it advances just a subtle change of plea
So noiselessly it offers you a new dream, a new interpretation
A universe unenchanted by the mocking, gnarling wolverines of war

You are welcome
You are welcome to commit your time and all your energy to hating
You are welcome to turn to battles raging and impervious within your veiled mind

And You are welcome
You are welcome now to enter in the side door
And offer me painless relief from the incessant clamour of my snarling, terrified mind

The Only Thing That Can Be Loved

Are you ready…?

Photo by Hamish Weir on Unsplash — thank you

The only thing that can be loved
That which is wholly real
The only thing that can’t be judged
It lives beyond impatient zeal…

To manifest a life of ease
Within the nothingness of form
It lives upon the grace
That is, beyond this world, the norm

It’s only to be known and seen
And felt, received, and helped to grow
Within the self that judges not
The seeds that it has sown

The only thing that can be loved
Is love itself, you are
Within this holy instant
The perfection of the heart

Within this breathless sanctitude
You are the life that leads
Gently, through the gathering dusk,
To all the soul could need

The light that shines upon me
From your dedicated mind
As you offer yourself
To that which swims in the divine

You offer all you are
To all the beauty you’ve been shown
As hearts that open wide
Become the One upon the throne

True majesty bequeaths its favour
Everywhere it goes
It knows not who or what it sees
But loves as it’s been shown

The love that’s been allowed is given,
Nothing else is seen
A torrent of such blessings
Reigns and rains and is received

Everywhere, in everything,
These blessings sprout and grow
The merging of the self
Becomes the torrent of the flow

The light that pours incessantly
From your devoted soul
That climbs in climax
Roars in ruth, explodes the paths of old

It tumbles over rocks and sandy bottoms
Gurgling on
The course that you have taken
Now delivers you in song

To tempests raging wild
Upon the waves that crash the shore
But for a moment all is still
As you are shown the door

The chasm, joyful opening
The bird pecked estuary
That, calm, awaits the moment
Of your joining with the sea

And as the moon awakens
As she rises and then shines
Reflecting beauty of the Father Sun
Within her mind

The waters rise within you
But you are no longer scared
You stand with arms wide open
With your mind alive in prayer

You whisper deep within the soul
Of what you’ve always been
“I’m ready to be taken out
Forever from this dream”

Begin

Beginning to believe

Photo by Holly Rose Thomas | The author retains all rights and permissions for the use of this image

When you say I paved the way
For all that’s happening now
The breath that courses into me
And beats upon my brow
Mistakes me for the one who recognizes
All the gifts they’ve sown
In heaven’s secret places,
In my precious heart of stone

The seeds that fell upon the rubble
Or the misty shoal
Admit the past and seek to feed
Its creases and its wolds
But those that fell within the heart
That looked so cold and bare
Went troubling its cracks
And took their humble roots in there

The stone cold circle rumbled
As the roots were gathering brawn
And suddenly a piercing cracking
Ripped apart the dawn
A river flowed where none had known
It’s raging path before
And I arose, a chalice held aloft
With glowing core

The gifts that had been given
Ever deigning to receive
The fruits of many labours
That had seemed to crush and wreathe
That finally built a circle
That could be seen and believed
That mystified but never sought
To chasten or recede

If you say I paved the way
Your blessings I can feel
If you acknowledge
What I have denied, I know it’s real
If you believe that I have given
More than I could see
Then I’ll believe you, as I begin to
Believe in me

All There Is To Find

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The seeking heart must some day find its gold

Under the surface of the sea, light rays shining in, beautiful clear water but you can feel the weight and the depth at the bottom
Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash — thank you

I want to tread the deeper dives
Where blessings hold beneath the flow
The stillest waters, richest tides
A sweetness brought to light, sublime

A travesty it feels to give
Only this superficial slant
Fragmented personality
Divorced from what I can’t reveal

I want to tread the deeper dives
And stem the tide of surface flow
That, jesting, as its joker’s wont
Has ridiculed the depths I know

I want to be a truthful one
Who shows the innards of its own
Who casts an acted part aside
Its timbre ceased, its wings unflown

I want to ride the waves of flow
That authenticity has wed
To leap unbridled on the growing
Self that has straight past me sped

I want to know what lies beyond
Within and at the core of me
I want to let the self be dead
That still affronts, entangles me

I want to feel the death, complete
Of all that I have willed and known
I want to leap, unfathomed depths
Beneath me as I fall below

I want to hurry to the cliff 
And wrest this putrid body home
And catapult the self that shames itself
Upon the rocky road

I want the death that’s promised me
Within the pages of the tomes
The script that’s written, hands of light 
Bequeathing all the joy they know

I want to die a thousand deaths
To everything that I have made
And watch with gentle gratitude
As what I truly am is cradled

Gently by the opening shaft
Of sunshine that has borne the child
That I have never known before
Whose smiling beauty makes me wild

With happiness, an opening hearted
Calmness and tranquillity
Encompasses the instant
That I finally feel free

So if you look to find me
And you see that I have gone
And all that’s left is peacefulness
A gentle hearted song

All you can find is writing
Carved upon an ancient wall
This joyful death, with life becoming
Everything and all

If all you find within the tomb
Of death defying Will
Is that which troubles heaven
Not a syllable or swell

If all you find is gratitude
Within a peaceful mind
You’ve found the place where I discovered
All there is to find

Your Own

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In gratitude for perseverance through perceived adversity

Stalks and leaves of a tall plant and their sharp edged shadows dancing on a sunshine yellow wall, overlaid with the softer shadows of the leaves of a nearby tree
Photo by Holly Rose Thomas | The author retains all rights and permissions for the use of this image

I’m sorry that you missed it
I’m sad you didn’t see
The blossoming of beauty
That has come alive in me

I’m sorry that you didn’t feel
The draw to carry on
That you decided to begin
A different life alone

I’m sorry that your heart
Was never open to receive
The joyful understanding
That you’re being loved, received

I’m sorry your experience
Got twisted in your mind
That you believed the lies you told
Pulled up the blanket, remained blind

I’m sorry you’re not here to witness
What could have been clear
A blossoming of fruitful understanding
Past the fear

I’m sorry you weren’t brave enough
To sit it out and know
That all your indignation
Was a block to harvests grown

That all your insignificance
Was only in your mind
That no one was attacking
The defence that kept you blind

And everything you had received
Was your own story, told
A billion times before
An ancient history, dead and cold

And life itself was waiting
In mysterious certainty
There within the grievances
That stopped you being free

If you’d been willing to discover
All that lies within
Deep inside the core of guilt
And anger, hated sin

If you’d been willing just to look upon
The feared grime
That smeared and blurred your vision
And that kept you here in time

If you’d been willing to expose
The fractures of your heart
That, crumbling, could have freed you
From the life you held apart

If you’d been willing to decide
To question what you knew
Then all your indecision
Would have breezed away, blown through

And you would have been standing
In the space I know as me
Beyond the terror foisted on myself
By what I’ve been

Beyond the death, calamity
The direst treachery
That spread like eagles’ wings
Across the landscape of my dream

If you’d been able to stand still
And trust the path you’d sown
Then you’d have found me standing here
Your gentle love, your own

The Portal Is Open

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The mind is free

A shady path leading into the forest with the sun pouring down in the foreground
Photo by Holly Rose Thomas | The author retains all rights and permissions for the use of this image

If I’d been willing to open my heart
To recognise all that was crumbling and dark
To welcome the demons that wrested the swell
From the power that rose up to vaporise hell

If I’d been willing to set my heart free
From the hopeless becomings that conjured a dream
If my light had been shining, my will had been true
I would have made this so easy for you

If I’d been faithful and followed your word
If I’d marched to the beat of the drum that you heard
If I’d been firm through resistance and mire
To dismiss the beliefs that bedeviled the pyre

Of the corpses that past culminations had sown
Into patterns unchanging and restless, ungrown
That were clearing so beautifully, turned by the flames of forgiveness
To smoke signals, peaceful and sane

I’m troubled in turns by the reams of regret
The temptation to focus on failure, to let myself
Fall from the grace of the sweet moment’s gift
To resist the becoming, the swelling, the lift

If I’d only been present, I’d only been whole
If I’d only discovered the grit of my soul
If I’d only been willing to set them all free
Then my mind would have been in divine industry

But the power to be and the power to give
Are recognised only the instant that is
Are understood solely and only right now
Are redundant in pasts that are gone as we plough

Through the depths of the karma, revealed and released
Till a space, wide and precious, fertility’s feast
Lies there before us, fresh seeds can be sown
In the mind that has sent all its past troubles home

So “If only I’d been in the present with you”
Is denial right now of the powerful truth
That we’ll always be joined in our heavenly task
Of becoming the present, releasing the past

We’ve always been here, the unmasking of time to eternity
Happens each moment, divine,
That I welcome the beauty of wholeness and see
That the portal is open, the mind it is free

The Spirit’s Sight

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Bearing witness to the light beyond the dream

The sun blazing out on the horizon above trees on a gently sloping hill, opening up into a gloriously blue sky
Photo by Holly Rose Thomas | The author retains all rights and permissions for the use of this image

I know how to do it
It’s the simplest thing I’ve learned
To set you free from your misery
To witness you rise and turn

I know how to do it
It’s the simplest thing I know
To watch you free, in the heart of peace
Your roots reaching down as you grow

I know how to find you
In your happiest place of cheer
Alive with hope, descending the stopes
Of a lifetime forgiven and dear

I know how to meet you
Happy, alive and free
Released from the past, the heavens at last
Joyfully opening

I know how to free you
And how to see you now
It’s the simplest thing I could ever bring
To the moment I fully allow

I know how to witness
Your perfect liberty
I can see in my mind, pure present and kind
Your gentle majesty

I know how to be present
With the truth that lives in you
I see through the veil, torn, rented, assailed
To the light that’s shining through

I know how to love you
Wholly, impeccably
It’s the only way I can love what I made
If I see it as part of me

I know how to love you
The only way is to see
The shining light that clarifies sight
Beyond the dark body

The only way to know you
The only way to find
The love that you are in my deepest of hearts
Is to see you in light in my mind

I know how to do it
I know how to be free
I’ve witnessed the truth of His gentle ruth
In the light I know as me

I know how to do it
In happiness I’m home
I witness your light in His perfect sight
And totality is my throne

Your Perfect Holiness

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A lesson in wholeness and gratitude from A Course in Miracles

A blazing light breaking in a dark sky.
Stock image purchased

The grasses they are speaking
The holy world is wide
Communicating with you
Your own dear breadth of mind

The universe is watching
And loving all you do
The spirit’s soul, perfection, whole
Is loving only you

Every breath you follow
To your sacred unity
Extends from deep within you
And blesses all you see

In every footstep you’re renewed
Releasing all to Him
Who’s heart, its rhythmic beating song
Gathers you deep within

“All things that live bring gifts to you, and offer them in gratitude and gladness at your feet. The scent of flowers is their gift to you. The waves bow down before you, and the trees extend their arms to shield you from the heat, and lay their leaves before you on the ground that you may walk in softness, while the wind sinks to a whisper round your holy head.”

A Course in Miracles, Workbook Lesson 156 — I Walk with God in Perfect Holiness

“Your plan I follow here, and at the end I know that You will gather Your effects into the tranquil Heaven of Your Love, where earth will vanish, and all separate thoughts unite in glory as the Son of God.”

A Course in Miracles, Workbook Lesson 326 — I Am Forever an Effect of God